i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
