i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
