Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
