I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
