But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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