i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
