guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
3 2 1 whiskey
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
