The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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