A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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