some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
