Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
