he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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