My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
