I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
