so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think my fart just growled at me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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