I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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