I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
