At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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