I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
