Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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