Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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