Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
