I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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