I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
