I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
