Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
