Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
