I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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