It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize