one two three fourrrrnication!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
