We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
