I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You ruined the universe
Randomize