i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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