She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
