Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
