i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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