I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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