if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize