I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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