and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
