i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
