You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
