1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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