I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
