Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
