I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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