my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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