If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
