i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just want to make out with him forever
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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