I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
