No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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