I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Houston, we have a blender
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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