Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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