would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
