I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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