i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
