my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
