I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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