I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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