on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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