Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We got so high we made milksteak
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
