don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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