maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
